Introduction
Accompanying one who is bereft is a sacred and hallowed task. Significant loss, change, and certainly death, rarely asks our permission to enter, bringing potential upheaval and pain. It is generally accepted that bereavement, particularly the death of someone of personal significance can have a profound impact on the lives of individuals, families and communities, and adjustment to an environment where a loved one is no longer physically present can be arduous and challenging. The finality and irreversibility of death can seem harsh and impenetrable; this is true for adult and child alike.
Grief is the response to a loss and common grief reactions for children and adults include distress, shock, bewilderment, numbness, vulnerability, fear and so on. Some young people encounter loss through the death of a parent, friend, teacher or relative, and for many the encounter with death, especially of a family member or carer, brings subsequent changes and losses. It is helpful to note that the significance of the loss is dependent on the depth of relationship and care felt by the bereaved, for one can be profoundly affected by the death of someone who is not a family member or friend but who somehow played an important part in day to day life.
Educating young people in how to deal with significant loss, the myriad of grief responses and reactions, strategies for coping with transitions and adapting to change can enhance resilience and promote well-being, particularly in a world where identity can be transient, and change can be rapid. The RE lesson in a Catholic school is often where learning and teaching takes place about death and a faith response to its impact. The liturgical cycle provides a context for sharing, praying and learning about the importance of remembering those who have died, praying for them and the grief of their family and friends.
Alongside Religious Education is the teacher’s role in accompanying the child who is bereft. The teacher can hold a privileged place for s/he can provide the listening ear, the gentle encouragement and give pupils the opportunities to learn the language of loss, to articulate the reality of their experience as well as strategies to assist in the walking through the turbulence and discomfort of grief. Naturally, recognition of our shared faith, practices and rituals are stressed, for the teacher cannot remove the pain of loss, the death event or provide definitive answers to a meaning making process. Rather, the teacher models a faith filled grief response through careful listening, words of compassion and empathy, an offering of, or an invitation to, prayer for the deceased and the mourners, and a mindful watch of the child’s day to day life, work and interactions at school. The cardinal virtues of faith, hope and charity are a useful reminder of a Catholic Christian response to death – we live a life of faith in a loving God who wills us to live with him in eternity, hope that soul of the loved one is “received and presented to God the most High” and our response to those who bereave is one of love and accompaniment.
The Catholic teacher is mindful of the spiritual impact of loss as well as the emotional and psychological. Sometimes the bereft will wrestle with dis/belief in God with a questioning of the loving, merciful and compassionate God who is blamed for the death of a loved one. Sometimes the wrestle is around meaning making – the desire to understand why the loss and resulting pain is experienced alongside a quest for identity and adjustment to life without the loved one. A key feature here is recognition that spiritual struggle is not uncommon for often one is trying to gain, or regain, a sense of identity. This can be manifest in such scenarios as the bereft daughter who wonders ‘who am I now, that I am not a daughter?’ or the brother who struggles with ‘who I am now, that I am not a brother?’ Roles and identity often feature in the struggle to come to terms with a significant loss. The role of the teacher here can include clear articulation of the pupil as a child of God and a cherished member of the school and class. Identity and routine can be enhanced in the school amidst the uncertainties and adjustments in the aftermath of family change and loss.
Bereavement and loss can be considered one of life’s adversities – most certainly because of the painful reactions it can generate. The Catholic school supports its pupils and staff through many of life’s adversities, often relying on an instinctive kind word here or there, a promise of prayers and support, participation in rituals, celebrations and liturgical rites. Meaning and hope are given through spontaneous and prepared prayer services as well as meaningful learning and teaching on a faith-filled response to death and knowledge of our shared belief in the afterlife – eternal life with God, creator and father of all.
Grief is the response to a loss and common grief reactions for children and adults include distress, shock, bewilderment, numbness, vulnerability, fear and so on. Some young people encounter loss through the death of a parent, friend, teacher or relative, and for many the encounter with death, especially of a family member or carer, brings subsequent changes and losses. It is helpful to note that the significance of the loss is dependent on the depth of relationship and care felt by the bereaved, for one can be profoundly affected by the death of someone who is not a family member or friend but who somehow played an important part in day to day life.
Educating young people in how to deal with significant loss, the myriad of grief responses and reactions, strategies for coping with transitions and adapting to change can enhance resilience and promote well-being, particularly in a world where identity can be transient, and change can be rapid. The RE lesson in a Catholic school is often where learning and teaching takes place about death and a faith response to its impact. The liturgical cycle provides a context for sharing, praying and learning about the importance of remembering those who have died, praying for them and the grief of their family and friends.
Alongside Religious Education is the teacher’s role in accompanying the child who is bereft. The teacher can hold a privileged place for s/he can provide the listening ear, the gentle encouragement and give pupils the opportunities to learn the language of loss, to articulate the reality of their experience as well as strategies to assist in the walking through the turbulence and discomfort of grief. Naturally, recognition of our shared faith, practices and rituals are stressed, for the teacher cannot remove the pain of loss, the death event or provide definitive answers to a meaning making process. Rather, the teacher models a faith filled grief response through careful listening, words of compassion and empathy, an offering of, or an invitation to, prayer for the deceased and the mourners, and a mindful watch of the child’s day to day life, work and interactions at school. The cardinal virtues of faith, hope and charity are a useful reminder of a Catholic Christian response to death – we live a life of faith in a loving God who wills us to live with him in eternity, hope that soul of the loved one is “received and presented to God the most High” and our response to those who bereave is one of love and accompaniment.
The Catholic teacher is mindful of the spiritual impact of loss as well as the emotional and psychological. Sometimes the bereft will wrestle with dis/belief in God with a questioning of the loving, merciful and compassionate God who is blamed for the death of a loved one. Sometimes the wrestle is around meaning making – the desire to understand why the loss and resulting pain is experienced alongside a quest for identity and adjustment to life without the loved one. A key feature here is recognition that spiritual struggle is not uncommon for often one is trying to gain, or regain, a sense of identity. This can be manifest in such scenarios as the bereft daughter who wonders ‘who am I now, that I am not a daughter?’ or the brother who struggles with ‘who I am now, that I am not a brother?’ Roles and identity often feature in the struggle to come to terms with a significant loss. The role of the teacher here can include clear articulation of the pupil as a child of God and a cherished member of the school and class. Identity and routine can be enhanced in the school amidst the uncertainties and adjustments in the aftermath of family change and loss.
Bereavement and loss can be considered one of life’s adversities – most certainly because of the painful reactions it can generate. The Catholic school supports its pupils and staff through many of life’s adversities, often relying on an instinctive kind word here or there, a promise of prayers and support, participation in rituals, celebrations and liturgical rites. Meaning and hope are given through spontaneous and prepared prayer services as well as meaningful learning and teaching on a faith-filled response to death and knowledge of our shared belief in the afterlife – eternal life with God, creator and father of all.
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Mary Lappin
University of Glasgow Bereavement Resources for use in schoolsThe resources below represent the collaborative work of a number of teachers, RE Advisers from Dioceses across Scotland and the University of Glasgow. We are most grateful for the generous gift of both time and resources given by all members of this group.
We hope that you find the materials of benefit to your school communities in this most difficult situation. If there is something missing or you wish to make suggestions about the materials offered here, please feel free to contact us using the orange box below. |
The Immediate Response
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Continuing Bonds
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Supporting All Staff
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Classroom/Teaching Materials
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Liturgy
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